“The evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing.” Romans 7
Men and women both struggle with pornography, but for men, in particular, the stimulus from pornography activates parts of the brain that release chemicals that are responsible for primary drives for food, water, and sex. This means when men get turned on by porn, their bodies experience sexual arousal, not just as a desire, but as a survival need.1
The latest research in neuroscience reveals that cocaine and pornography are strikingly similar in their effects on the brain. Pornography re-wires brain functionality like a drug addiction. It’s powerful, and gripping, and the latest statistics are a reflection of its sovereignty over our culture.
In 2017 the most popular website for adult content reported:2
- 5 billion annual visits
- 81 million daily visits, on average
- 50,000 searches per minute
- 800 searches per second
- 4 million-plus videos uploaded
If all of the content uploaded to this site were played continuously, then it would take over 68 years to finish playing.
We Are the Pioneers of Pornography
We live in the first culture in the human race that has made a horrifying percentage of our nation’s economy, billions of dollars, whose sole purpose is to lure men and women into degrading themselves and their humanity, not to mention the millions of human beings that are involved in the production.3 We are shoveling money to the dehumanization of our God-given, Image-bearing bodies, and we can’t get enough.
The elevation of pornography in our hyper-sexualized culture is unequaled in the history of the human race to the degree of which our nation has taken it in the last 200 years, and what is most mind-numbing is that we think it’s normal.4
It’s a blight, and what is most frightening is the impossibility of escaping this enslavement, once engaged. Porn addiction usually takes years to break because of its instant accessibility, invisibility, and because of the amount of shame and fear that our culture projects upon its viewers.
5 Traps for Porn-Addicts
1. SMARTPHONES
Nothing is so attached to you as your smartphone. Most Americans check it 46 times a day on average.5 Smartphones have pioneered a new awakening of sex addiction where boys and girls are becoming exposed to explicit material as young as age 9. The average child will be 11, and 94% of children will view porn by the age of 14.6 Putting a smartphone in the hands of your child is giving them a grenade.
Smartphones create high-risk subjects for sex addiction because it allows pornography to be immediately accessible and utterly invisible. Our browser search history can vanish faster than vapor with the click of a button. Just like that, it’s gone.
Because of smartphones, pornography is now an extension of our bodies, and our bodies are ripe for acquiring high-level addictions, especially when we start feeding that addiction at a young age.
2. SHAME
Many view pornography as the unforgivable sin, so the thought of confessing it is nauseating. The church, in particular, has made pornography more evil than Satan, rendering it shameful, sickening, foul, and unthinkable. The church shouldn’t espouse a posture of shame but rather an ethic of safe, loving support where people can confess and get healing. Jesus came to heal us.
3. FEAR
We want a perfect looking Instagram life, and we’re scared that if we let out our secret, then our image will be destroyed. Most people want to look good on the outside so we clam up, stay silent, and refuse to mention anything to anyone. There is much more than a reputation on the line for Church Leaders and Women.
The Fear in Church Leaders:
Church Leaders fear they might be asked to step down or even possibly lose their career. It’s their job to keep up a righteous image, and let’s face it- their whole livelihood is attached to what people think about them.
They’re supposed to be the strongest Christian in the room, and to think of a Pastor or Leader to struggle with pornography is unthinkable in the church. When Church Leaders confess a sex addiction, they put rocks in the hands of the people, and that is a hazardous, deadly business.
The Fear in Women:
Women are scared to say anything because they’ll be shamed twice as bad if they do. For one, women aren’t expected to struggle with this type of thing, so it’s perceived as twice as bad for them as it is for men.
Research shows, however, that 76% of girls 18-30 look at pornography at least every month.7 This means plenty of young girls are hiding in sin with no one to help them, and the only thing said in church about pornography is only said about young men, if anything at all.
Our culture prides men on being sexual dominators while at the same time, if a woman sleeps with more than one guy, she’s shamed for it. Women are unjustly called “stumbling blocks” when Scripture never says that women are stumbling blocks.
Furthermore, the church has created a purity culture that says women aren’t supposed to have sex drives. But women do have sex drives, and the temptation is just as real for them as it is for men. It’s not right that men can talk openly about struggling with pornography, while women have to hide in the deepest parts of their shame and fear.
The church needs to speak up on the issue of pornography for men and women both because the problem is very real for both genders, and many church leaders as well.
4. ISOLATION
Isolation is the Enemy’s favorite place to make a play-ground. He loves keeping you in isolation because if you are in isolation, then you are accountable to no one, and if you’re not responsible to anyone, then why stop?
Even better, if you’re not responsible to anyone, then how can you stop? We need people who know our secrets, but who give us grace and love and work with us in our time of struggle. Falling back into sin will occur in the absence of accountability.
5. PRIDE
We want our privacy in-tact, and we want to hold on to the ideals that we have about ourselves, and we don’t want others to know our faults, but these are in the way of true healing.
We love to think that we’re strong human beings, and we hate to admit we need help, but many of us are sick, and we need to check-in to the hospital immediately.
When we first visit a hospital as a patient, we are so uncomfortable. We have to get undressed, get poked with needles, and get touched and prodded in places we don’t like. We have to put on a hospital gown that shows our rear-end to everyone walking by. But, the longer time goes on, the more we experience healing. We can’t be too proud to let the doctor do his work to heal us.
We have to exercise some humility and admit our sickness, and just confess it and move on. We have to let that hospital gown flap open, let our butts show, and let go of our pride.
Pornography Destroys Us. Jesus Heals Us.
As a follower of Jesus, pornography kills my boldness and separates me from a healthy relationship with God. I know what I’m doing is wrong, so I have to carry around shame, fear, and hypocrisy, and anytime I need to step up and lead, somewhere there’s going to be a voice that’s telling me that I shouldn’t because I’m unworthy to do so.
I can’t call anyone to repentance because I’ll be a hypocrite for it, so I stand in silence, and ineffective. Deep inside, I feel like a fake because I’m living a life of unbelief in God. I put on a façade of righteousness because I care more about what people think than what God demands, so instead of admitting I have a problem and seeking help, I continue to live in sin. My pride won’t me you admit that I’m defeated, that I’m weak, that I need help, that I’m struggling. But can I go on like this?
When We Engage Pornography
We’re trusting in our flesh, not the Lord.
We’re serving our flesh, not the Lord.
We’re worshiping our flesh, not the Lord.
We’re committing adultery.
We’re insulting our wives.
We’re telling our wives they aren’t good enough.
We’re not giving ourselves up for her as Christ gave himself up for us.
We’re trading the Spirit of God for a lie.
We’re carrying burdens instead of living in freedom.
We’re not going to get away with this forever.
4 Ways to Battle the Grip of Pornography
First: Find a safe person for accountability.
This person will have the password to your phone to keep you from downloading any apps. This person will be at the other end of your accountability software. This person will be the one asking you if you’ve looked at anything recently. This person will be a powerful tool in finding freedom.
Second: Gouge out your eyes and cut off your hands.
Jesus taught, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away… And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”8
This means if your browser is causing you to sin, then you have to get rid of it.
You can’t use Social Media – Why? Because you can find explicit material on Social Media
You can’t use email on your phone – Why? Because you can send yourself a link and open a browser this way
You can’t use Facebook Messenger – Why? Because you can click on a link that will put in a browser
You cannot use any app or device that allows you access to a browser, period. Is it lame and boring? Yes. But it’s worth being inconvenienced to live in freedom. Get rid of your access to pornography and keep it that way.
Third: Replace the old with the new
The goal is to love God and connect to Him, but the absence of pornography alone will not accomplish this. Removing pornography primes us for a richer relationship with God, but we still need to take the initiative to pursue God by replacing old, bad habits with new, godly disciplines.
We need deep intimacy with the Lord and His Word. We need deep relationships in community with other believers. We need worship services to stir our hearts and affections for Christ. We need communion, and to serve the poor. We need to give ourselves away for the sake of the gospel. We need the presence of God in our lives daily.
Fourth: Continue to educate yourself on the damaging side-effects of pornography.
Pornography becomes very unattractive when considering that it causes erectile dysfunction, depression, and relational dissonance between the people you should be closest to, the people that you love the most. Porn is not good. It damages you.
Some Final Thoughts in Closing
There is no quick-fix for stopping pornography. On average, it takes anywhere from 3-5 years for one to break free from this type of addiction. It takes a long time because your brain has to heal and be re-wired to become healthy again. As it does, your urges will become less overwhelming finally to the point you’ll have some control over them. But even then, there will always be circumstances that will be rich for a pitfall, and this is why it’s crucial to get rid of all access to it.
It’s essential to know the longevity of this journey but at the same time be passionately resolved to stop struggling with this sin, and to put it to death, for good. We were meant to live in freedom, and I know from experience (I’m getting there) that it is a very sweet and valuable thing, and one of the best blessings I’ve ever received in my life.
There is nothing more valuable than our relationship with God, and if there is something constantly in the way of it, then it needs to go- for our sake, for His glory.
Notes:
- Sherif Karama, “Areas of brain activation in males and females during viewing of erotic film excerpts,” Human Brain Mapping (May 2002)
- “The most viewed porn categories of 2017 are pretty messed up,” fightthenewdrug.org (2017)
- Tim Mackie, “Jesus and Sexual Desire,” Exploring My Strange Bible (2018)
- Tim Mackie, “Jesus and Sexual Desire.” Exploring My Strange Bible (2018)
- https://time.com/4147614/smartphone-usage-us-2015/
- “Parenting in the digital age of pornography,” Huffingtonpost.com (2016)
- McDowell, The Porn Phenomenon.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Matthew 5:29,30
